LEARN FRENCH WITH AL & MARIE - URGENT LESSON

I have had to put out this emergency lesson because of the current crisis.

ENGLISH: Waiter, Waiter! There is a fly on my cucumber.

FRENCH: Serveur. Il y a une mouche sur mon concombre.

FRENCH: Aucun monsieur. C'est la chair méchante mangeant le bogue e-coli.

ENGLISH: Not at all Sir. That is the flesh eating bug e-coli.

LEARN FRENCH WITH AL & MARIE.

Once again we give you the phrases that are essential for you, if you are holidaying in France this summer.

All phrases should help you get on with the locals in a jiffy!

ENGLISH: Landlord. A bottle of your strongest beer please.

FRENCH: Propriétaire. Une bouteille de votre bière plus forte s'il vous plait.

ENGLISH: Jesus! Were any gnats harmed in making this brew?

FRENCH: Jésus. Étaient tous les moucherons nuis en faisant ce brew

SILLY SEASON STARTS

The summer is rapidly approaching and the party season is about to start.

The 4th annual Gard House Anglo/French BBQ is on the evening of 2oth June.

Anyone is welcome provided you let us know in advance.

Normally we cater for about 30.

12th June is Matignon Rugby Club's big summer grill, taking place at the lake.

Tickets are 12 euros.

Again if anyone wants to come and stay, you are welcome.

TOP BAKING

Once again the greatest chef that ever served in Her Majesty's Royal Navy, comes up with another winning recipe.

May I introduce the home made Rosemary and Onion Focaccia, made by my own fair hands, and proved in the open sunlight of Brittany.

I really should have my own TV show.

THE GOUT MAN

Tuesday afternoon, I get a phone call at work from Olivier (Part of the darts team) saying we have been invited for a drink from 6pm.

I couldn't believe it when he took us to this mobile distillery which had pulled up at the back of the village.

This 1940's contraption tours the villages of Brittany in early summer converting last seasons cider in to a clear spirit called gout (pronounced goot) or eau de vie.

People were bringing their barrels of home made cider to be converted to gout, which they normally then flavour themselves at home, normally cherries, prunes,plums are soaked in the alcohol for a few months, making a seriously strong drink.

The blue barrels are all full of heavily fermented cider.

A few locals help set up the equipment.

The distillation is heated by a wood burner under the stills.

In about 35 minutes the golden cider is completely distilled, and this 65-70% proof spirit is ready.

Some people were taking 20 gallon barrels away!

We bought 5 litres for 40 euros which was a "special" price as Olivier has known the Gout Man for many years.

More can be read on this extraordinary contraption on this website.

http://www.ruelmain.co.uk/Brittany%20cider%20spirit.htm

FIRST WEEK AT WORK

I have really enjoyed my first week working at St Germain Equestrian Centre.

Nice weather, working outside and cracking views.

I'm going full time for a little while as 240 fences are required to be painted by early July.

There are 3 of us on the job, doing 8 hours a day.

Below is all my own work.

The Captains Wheel

The brown house..Or Nick's Pad as we have nicknamed it!

Before.

After.

A view of the Equestrian Centre.

The owner has 3 of these in Brittany.

St Germain Bay

A few of our customers!

A DECENT DAYS WORK

A contract for painting equestrian jumps came Andy's way so along with myself and Olivier (Funny how the darts team stick together) started today in the tiny village of Saint Germain near Matignon.

The customer owns 3 equestrian centres in St Jacut, St Brieuc, and Saint Germain, and also rents out the jumping equipment.

A pleasant view from where we were working.

Just stripping back the old paintwork and then painting fresh.

And here is our first bit of handy work

And this was all my own work today..Before..

And After.

8am start, 4-30 finish.

Then off for a quick pint.

MAGIC!

PART TIME WORK

Al today starts some part time work in St Jacut repairing & painting equestrian fences.

8 hours a day for 4 days a week to start with, then down to 2 days a week in July.

Damn good money too.

Ripping off all those "Horsey" types.

Who would have thought 30 years ago I would be clearing up after Harvey Smith!!

FETE EUROPE

Whilst Al was back in the UK, Marie attended the annual Europe Festival up at the lake.

They ask people from all nationalities who live in the area to come together for a picnic, and to share food and other cultural aspects.

Marie took up some traditional home made food in Scotch Eggs, and that other well known favourite...er..Samosas??

The picture below is taken from last Tuesday's Ouest France newspaper.

SEE WHAT 5 DAYS AWAY DOES?

So I get back home Wednesday morning.

As expected, the back garden needs a severe mowing , and Marie has put on 3kg after gorging on chocolate owing to her being depressed at my absence.

So, time for a bit of a detox.

Nothing better for that that freshly picked garden spinach which was turned in to sag aloo, with the remainder being frozen.

HEADING HOME

And so back home to France.

The 8-30 pm boat out of Pompey back to St Malo.

The tower at Pompey.

The good old dockyard!

A half cut me with the Ark Royal in the background.

I hope she is sold to someone who cares for her.

OLD SHIPPERS

Back to Pompey on Monday, where I was staying at Paul's.

We went to the Shipwrights (Now Ruby's) and then to the Park tavern for a meet up with some old faces!

Paul looking happy to be in Portsmouth instead of Southsea.

The crest of HMS Phoebe, Bournemouth's old adopted ship.

Served in her from 81-82.

HMS Invincible. 1990-1992 for me.

From left to right.

Shirley Crabtree - Not seen for 5 weeks since my birthday.

Me - Not seen sense from the age of 14.

Ian Goodchild - Not seen since 1983.

Ian Stapleton - Not seen since 1990.

Thanks for turning up fellas, was great to catch up!

THEN TO SEE MY MUM!

So, after football it was off to see my Mum and Bob.

In the evening me Mam and I went out for a fine steak meal which was delicious.

Then on Sunday, we went for a walk from Boscombe Overcliff down to a cafe near the Pier for a coffee.

A good mile or so!

We had nearly completed the walk back when Mother realised she had left her coat at the cafe, along with the car keys in the pocket.

So we did the walk twice for the sheer hell of it!!!!!!

A view along Boscombe seafront.

And a view from the cliffs.

WELL BEHAVED FANS

A few fans who were sensible enough to keep off the pitch!

BACK TO DEAN COURT

Saturday was the train from Pompey to Bournemouth for the Cherries last league game of the season against Rochdale.

Bournemouth were already in the play offs, so it wasn't overly important to win.

A few pints of real ale in the Queens Park before the game.

Then off to the north stand.

Bournemouth played OK, without doing anything special.

Maybe the players were holding back a bit for the play off games.

Plenty of corners, but we were beaten 2-1.

Despite being asked not to run on the pitch at the end, a few morons did!

All the decent supporters who obeyed the request to keep off the pitch gave the idiotic few some grief.

SO ANCHOR FACED

Passing through Portsmouth dockyard where I spent most my Naval career, I couldn't resist taking some "Jack" pictures for old times sake.

Looking towards Gosport.

Turning around North Corner jetty.

And in the background HMS ARK ROYAL.

I was with her for 3 1/2 years from new build in Wallsend.

She has been stripped out and put up for auction to the highest bidder.

RETURN TO POMPEY TRIP

Friday. 1030am.

I'm on my way from St Malo to Pompey and then on to Bournemouth for the match against Rochdale.

So long France for 5 days of catching up with family and friend, real ale, and a great time.

Nothing can stop me now!

DOH!

Some drunken Irish git has pulled the emergency ship evacuation chute.

Never mind. The Brittany Ferries crew have got their finest on the case.

Unfortunately, this event occurred at about 1pm, which meant most the back up crew were at lunch.

Hence it took 30 minutes before the boat was lowered in to the water, and another 1 1/2 hours to get the thing back in!

A great start..2 hours late in Pompey.

PREGNANCY TEST

This little dog in the hamlet has got herself up the duff!

The father is unknown.

So, us on the Jeremy Kyle show made this suspect take a paternity test.

And the result was...............

NEGATIVE!

As Arthur has no nuts!