THE VICTOR MELDREW XMAS RANT

Last year you may all remember about my complaint to the makers of Quality Street about their poor representation of variety in their 1kg tin. This year to avoid disappointment we invested in a 854g box of Cadbury's Celebrations. To my utter disgust, it seems that the nations favourite Xmas chocolate selection box is also a complete rip off. So I have sent the following letter off to Cadbury's. Dear Chocolatier, Last week I purchased your 854g Celebrations selection box. As soon as I opened it I was dazzled by the row of blue wrapped sweets. This is not the first impression I was expecting. I decided to investigate further. You have 8 different varieties in your selection box, and with 93 chocolates in the mentioned box, I was expecting equal distribution amongst the said varieties. That would be in an ideal world 10 or 11 of each mini chocolate bar. Sadly I have to report the following. In my box were the following: 18 Mars 17 Milky Way 14 Snickers 14 Bounty 12 Teasers 6 Twix 6 Caramel 6 Galaxy. Now, Mars bars are the nations favourite, so I can understand your exuberance in making this the highest number in the box. "A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play", so assuming I start eating the chocs on Xmas day, and at the ratio of one mini mars bar every 24 hours, I will have enough of them to see me through till 10th january 2012. Milky Way. Light and airy, but not light on numbers. Bounty. Does anyone really like coconut? Maybe one for a Xmas treat, but 14 is just taking the mickey. I feel sure that the last 13 sweets in this box will all be Bounty's and will eventually be ditched in June. Snickers. Oh do be brief. They are Marathon bars. Just ditch the crap American name and give us back the real name. Also, mini marathons don't contain many peanuts. So they are just Mars bars really. Twix. Just 6. Come on, when put end to end, that is not even one full sized finger. You tight gits! Caramel. Yuk! Glad there were only 6 of them. That is your one redeeming factor. Galaxy. Just 6 as well. If I bought a normal bar, I would eat more than 6 bricks in one session. This is a poor amount for an addictive chocolate. So,to sum up. Get it right with equal distribution in your selection boxes. It shows a lack of stock control and frankly puts your company in a very bad light. Yours disgusted, Al Gard. P.S. I shall be mustering the tin of Heroes on Boxing Day. Best they are to my liking.