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COMES THE NEW ADVENTURE.
"SANTA CLAUS AND THE 3 WISE DOGS OF DIFFERENT CLASSES."
The 3 dogs had decided to visit Santa as they all wanted to hear about the story of Xmas, and also to bring presents for the baby Jesus.
Shep was first.
"Read me a bit about Xmas Santa"
"Ho ho ho!" Said Santa.
"All in good time"
"First of all, what present did you bring for the baby Jesus?"
Shep being a bit posh but had fallen on hard times thanks to Cameron's shoddy government said.
"I went to Cash Converters and exchanged all my bones for money, with which I bought gold, so I have brought some bling for the infant king" (Great when it rhymes)
"That's very noble of you" said Santa,
"But how will you get all your lovely bones back from Cash Converters, what with their massive interest rates?"
"Not to worry" said Shep. " I am an intelligent Collie Dog. I can
get work on any farm I like guarding sheep, and if I work really hard, I will soon have saved up to get all my lovely bones back. Once I have paid my 25% to the government of course.
Next up was Arthur.
"Ho Ho Ho!" said Santa.
"And what have you bought for the baby Jesus?"
Arthur being working class had also come by hard times.
"Well I was supposed to bring Frankincense but that's a bit hard to
come by now days, so I bought a Brut gift box. Same thing, it's all perfume in my book.
I was a bit short on dough, so I went to Wonga.com to pay for the gift."
"Good grief" Said Santa.
"Wonga charge stupid rates. It will take you
years to pay them back even for this very cheap gift.
How will you ever cope?"
"Don't worry" Said Arthur bearing his teeth in mock anger.
"I work nights doing security on a building site. If I work really hard and bang in a bit of overtime, i'll soon be able to pay my loan off, once I have paid all my taxes to Mr Cameron as well.
With a bit of luck they might have mis-sold me PPI as well, so I could be quids in!
Next up was Bella.
"Ho Ho Ho!" Said Santa.
"I bet you don't know the story of Jesus and how he was
born in a manger. I'll give you a shiny shilling if you can tell me what a manger is?"
"That's easy" said Bella.
A manger is someone who coaches an East End Football club.
Like 'Arry' Redknapp is the manger of Queens Park Rangers."
"And what have you bought for the baby Jesus young Bella?"
Bella being a bone idle dog hadn't worked a day in her life and was very lower class.
"I ain't bought Jack shit"
"Well that's not the festive spirit is it?" Said Santa.
"No it probably ain't, but I don't give a flying.
Give me five Santa and I'll tell you why I is a lazy bitch.
I don't have to work. I got pregnant twice as a young pup. That gave me 14 kids, so the benefits are ace.
The 2 fathers are also paying me a monthly allowance for the pups which covers my booze and fags.
I also get a free kennel for me and the sprogs to live in, with SKY TV in every room.
My heating is paid for, I get job seekers (tho I ain't lookin'),
and food credits.
Thank you Mr Cameron!
Why do I need to work to earn money for presents?"
"You are so right" Said Santa.
"It's bollocks. I'm handing my P45 in on Xmas Eve.
It's damn hard work going round the world delivering presents to all those snotty bloody kids"
I don't need it.
A life on the Social for me from now on"
MORAL OF THE STORY.
Go to work, and you will be screwed.
Get screwed and you will be rewarded.
THE END.
COMING SOON
THE GARDHOUSE PLAYERS
WISH ALL READERS OF THIS
BLOG.
A VERY MERRY XMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
The 3 dogs had decided to visit Santa as they all wanted to hear about the story of Xmas, and also to bring presents for the baby Jesus.
Shep was first.
"Read me a bit about Xmas Santa"
"Ho ho ho!" Said Santa.
"All in good time"
"First of all, what present did you bring for the baby Jesus?"
Shep being a bit posh but had fallen on hard times thanks to Cameron's shoddy government said.
"I went to Cash Converters and exchanged all my bones for money, with which I bought gold, so I have brought some bling for the infant king" (Great when it rhymes)
"That's very noble of you" said Santa,
"But how will you get all your lovely bones back from Cash Converters, what with their massive interest rates?"
"Not to worry" said Shep. " I am an intelligent Collie Dog. I can
get work on any farm I like guarding sheep, and if I work really hard, I will soon have saved up to get all my lovely bones back. Once I have paid my 25% to the government of course.
Next up was Arthur.
"Ho Ho Ho!" said Santa.
"And what have you bought for the baby Jesus?"
Arthur being working class had also come by hard times.
"Well I was supposed to bring Frankincense but that's a bit hard to
come by now days, so I bought a Brut gift box. Same thing, it's all perfume in my book.
I was a bit short on dough, so I went to Wonga.com to pay for the gift."
"Good grief" Said Santa.
"Wonga charge stupid rates. It will take you
years to pay them back even for this very cheap gift.
How will you ever cope?"
"Don't worry" Said Arthur bearing his teeth in mock anger.
"I work nights doing security on a building site. If I work really hard and bang in a bit of overtime, i'll soon be able to pay my loan off, once I have paid all my taxes to Mr Cameron as well.
With a bit of luck they might have mis-sold me PPI as well, so I could be quids in!
Next up was Bella.
"Ho Ho Ho!" Said Santa.
"I bet you don't know the story of Jesus and how he was
born in a manger. I'll give you a shiny shilling if you can tell me what a manger is?"
"That's easy" said Bella.
A manger is someone who coaches an East End Football club.
Like 'Arry' Redknapp is the manger of Queens Park Rangers."
"And what have you bought for the baby Jesus young Bella?"
Bella being a bone idle dog hadn't worked a day in her life and was very lower class.
"I ain't bought Jack shit"
"Well that's not the festive spirit is it?" Said Santa.
"No it probably ain't, but I don't give a flying.
Give me five Santa and I'll tell you why I is a lazy bitch.
I don't have to work. I got pregnant twice as a young pup. That gave me 14 kids, so the benefits are ace.
The 2 fathers are also paying me a monthly allowance for the pups which covers my booze and fags.
I also get a free kennel for me and the sprogs to live in, with SKY TV in every room.
My heating is paid for, I get job seekers (tho I ain't lookin'),
and food credits.
Thank you Mr Cameron!
Why do I need to work to earn money for presents?"
"You are so right" Said Santa.
"It's bollocks. I'm handing my P45 in on Xmas Eve.
It's damn hard work going round the world delivering presents to all those snotty bloody kids"
I don't need it.
A life on the Social for me from now on"
MORAL OF THE STORY.
Go to work, and you will be screwed.
Get screwed and you will be rewarded.
THE END.
COMING SOON
THE GARDHOUSE PLAYERS
WISH ALL READERS OF THIS
BLOG.
A VERY MERRY XMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
3 comments:
Ho ho ho and a very happy Christmas to you all from me! That made me chuckle :)
From Ness in a cold and windy Yorkshire.
happy Christmas Al and Marie.
Thanks Ness and Ian. Have a great Chrimbo
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