XMAS DAY

Xmas Day we went to the village and shared lunch with Michael, Natasha, Dasha, & Joe.

Fantastic 4 course lunch. Personally I started with Foie gras, and Marie had Crevette and Prawn Risotto.

Main was Marget of Duck and Fillet steak in perigord sauce

And a triage of desserts to finish..

.. all washed down with some decent wine.

An excellent lunch indeed, with no washing up!!!

THE VICTOR MELDREW XMAS RANT 2012

Dear blog readers, once again my consumer research has once again focused on a box of Cadbury's Celebrations.

After the letter I wrote to Cadbury's last year (Check under 2011 December postings) I have decided to see whether they have acted on my advice.

Well, I will start with the good news.

This year the box weighed in at 855g instead of last years 854g, which surely means more chocolate. Not much admittedly,  but it shows progress.

Anyway, as usual, much disappointment, so I have written another letter to the company.

It follows:

To whom it may concern,

Last year I wrote to you about the uneven distribution of the 8 available choices in your 854g celebrations selection box.

I decided to give your product one more chance this Xmas and purchased one to see if you have heeded my sound advice.

On getting the product home I was delighted to note that you had increased the weight of the box to 855g a huge increase of 0.09%.

Thank you for that, obviously you are giving your customers extra chocolates, a gesture much appreciated in the current economic climate.

However, imagine my disappointment on opening the box and finding the following. I have included the 2011 content figures to save you the trouble.

                          2012                                   2011

                        Mars 18                               Mars 18

                        Galaxy 6                              Galaxy 6

                        Twix 6                                 Twix 6

                        Teasers 12                           Teasers 12

                        Bounty 14                            Bounty 14

                        Snickers 14                          Snickers 14

                        Caramel 6                            Caramel 6

                        Milky Way 16                      Milky Way 17

                        TOTAL 92                           TOTAL 93

I am now confused ( and spittingly angry) here. 1 gramme of extra product this year, but one less Celebration in the box!!! 

How the bloody hell does that work?

Have the effing wrappers ballooned in weight?

Is the box now lead lined or something?

You also haven't taken a blind bit of notice of the evenness of selection as I pointed out last year.

One less Milky Way and you have not had the decency to inform the public with a wide advertising campaing.

Well, let me tell you this...This is exactly how Hitler's Germany started. You know, conning the public into a false sense of security and eventually destoying the people's dreams. Your company deserves to be crushed for their lies and deception, and I for one will now be buying more deodorant to aid with global warming. I hope the earth gets so hot, that none of your chocolate ever sets again!

FASCISTS!

Yours Sincerely,

Alan Gard

France.

P.S. Merry Xmas.

MEERY XMAS TO ALL OUR READERS

Thank you for reading our blog over the past year.

We both wish you a VERY MERRY XMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Please do not over indulge on food and drink this Xmas or the only memory you will have of Santa will be this.

CHOCOHOLICS

"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat"

Not as fat as we are going to get on all these bloody chocolates.

But they have been bought for a serious bit of research.

Sometime over Xmas I will be presiding over a tasting competition between French and British chocolates, and the results will appear here sometime soon in the guise of my annual Xmas rant.

HELLO AND WELCOME

The beauty of running this blog is that behind the scenes we can monitor a few statistics as to our audience.

Yesterday for the first time ever we had 3 visitors from Trinidad and Tobago.

A big welcome to you my friends and please take time to leave a message under any posting.

Also, can we come and stay for 2 weeks in the non hurricane season?

Thank you in advance.

Alan and Marie

2012 XMAS PANTO

THE SNOWMAN.

BY THE SAINT POTAN PLAYERS.

"The best thing about the whole of Xmas is the television" said Bella.

"My favourite of all time is The Snowman" 

"We're walking in the air,

We're floating in the moonlit sky,

The people far below are sleeping as we fly"

sang Bella.

"I wish I could walk in the air like a Snowman."

"Don't be a numbnuts" said Grumpy Santa Arthur.
"It's a bloody cartoon. Snowmen can't fly.
Plus there has been so much rain this year that the chances of anyone seeing a Snowman are very remote.
The only thing you have floating in the air is your tail when laying a walnut whip on our owners freshly mowed lawn"

"And as for that kid who sang that song, he get's on my nerves. 
Did you know he was once a promising tenor like Pavorotti ?"

"What happened to his voice?" asked Bella the Snowman.

" One appearance on Jim'll Fix It in the early eighties and his voice changed forever. I don't know how it happened" explained Grumpy Santa.

"Anyway, because of global warming, you are more likely to be a Rain Man than a Snowman"

" I liked Rain Man. Dustin Hoffdog is a great actor"

"That doesn't sound good" moaned Bella the Snowman.
"Cheer me up please Grumpy Santa. Tell me again what Santa does on Xmas Eve"

"Very well.

On Xmas Eve Santa climbs into a giant flying sleigh pulled by Reindeer and delivers presents to all the good people in all the countries of the world.

Well, not all the countries.

He doesn't deliver to those countries with Sharia Law"

"What do those people do on Xmas Eve than?" asked Bella.

"On Xmas Eve" explained Grumpy Santa Arthur, "They cut off the tongues of all the liars, and then the hands of all the thieves"

"Yuk, that sounds dreadful" said Bella

"But on second thoughts, if they had Sharia law in the UK, then maybe lying Prime Minister Cameron would not be able to make anymore of those lying speeches, and thieving Chancellor Osbourne wouldn't be able to carry on scratching his balls whilst the countries finances go down the pan"

"Hey Grumpy Santa! What is your favourite Xmas song?"

"Oh. that's easy" said Grumpy Santa.

"Cockin' around the Xmas tree"

"You can't do that. You will make all the presents wet", said Bella the Snowman. 

"HO HO HO"

"MERRY XMAS EVERYBODY"

THE END

CAST:

Bella the Snowman - Bella
Grumpy Santa Arthur - Arthur

Producer - Marie
Lyrics - Alan

With special thanks to Bonio dog treats for whom without their multitude of snacks, none of this would have been possible.

St Potan Players CD Soundtrack now available from this website for the price of a decent bottle of rum.

The Snowman!
Tracks

 1. Barking in the Air.
2. Cockin' around the Xmas tree.
3. Santa Paws is Coming to Town
4. I saw 3 Shi*s.
5. Fairytale of Roast Pork.
6. All I wan't for Xmas is Chews.
7. When a Dog is Born.
8. Little Drumstick Boy.
9. Merry Xmas, Paw is Over.
10. Stop the Carvery.
11. Lonely Pup in a Christmas Shop.
12. I saw Mummy Licking Santa Claus.
13. Rudolph the Red Nosed Rottweiler.



PRESS REVIEWS.

"It tickled my funny bone" (Daily Telegraph)

" A real dog's dinner of a show" (The Stage)

" Take your Pal and Chum" (Daily Mirror)

" Why are these people abusing their dogs every year?" (The Kennel Club)   

"Boob job for Coronation Street Babe" (Daily Star)

XMAS LIGHTS SWITCHED ON

The Manoir de Gard Xmas lights were switched on this evening by local celebrity..er..Mrs Gard.

The spectacularly display was sponsored by Mr Gard, who agreed to meet the electric bill for the festive season.

Despite a 7.9% increase in electric bills this year, Mr Gard said, " Well it's for the kids. Even tho none live within 4 miles of us"

The local dogs nearby have enjoyed the spectacle so much, that 2 have already come by and peed on the power box.

Merry Bloody Xmas. 

ROLL UP! ROLL UP!

Coming this weekend!

The annual Gard house dog pantomime.

Dress rehearsals have been going well and this years panto is:

THE SNOWMAN.

Certificate 18. Parental permission advised.

If you missed last years, it is here.

http://alandmarie.blogspot.fr/2011/12/dogs-xmas-panto_18.html

LOST SHEEP

So there I was, doing the normal dog walking route, when on the way back I can feel something staring at me.

There in the back garden of a holiday home that is rarely used, there is this Ram tethered to a chain.

It's very friendly, but the French being what they are, left no water for the poor thing.

So we took a bucket of water up and some carrots and will keep a check on it to make sure it hasn't been abandoned. 

WOOD DELIVERY

We took in a wood delivery this week, giving us more than enough for next winter.

3 Meters squared of Oak for a knock down price from a local French "Del Boy"

I'TS BEEN A WHILE

It's all very well living in France, but sometimes you just get sick of eating, snails, veal heads, frogs legs, horse burgers, and obscenely shaped black puddings.

You just get that craving for something from home.

And here is that creation. A giant cornish pasty.

Proper chopped beef with swede, potatoes, and onion, lots of pepper and a bit of salt!

DINAN MARKET

Thursday is market day in Dinan. Plenty of stalls selling tacky clothing, overpriced cheese, and horse meat.

  

We went with Bill and Sharon for a wander round and then out for some very average lunch in town.

CAMOUFLAGE

Xmas Competition.

Put an "X" where you think Arthur is!

BOOK EARLY FOR 2013

Are you thinking of visiting next year?

As usual, plenty of room & plenty of wine here.

The bigger village events are:

Gard Manoir Village BBQ 24th June

Country Fair 7th July

Bastille Day Hog Roast 14th July

Moules Frittes 3rd Aug

Ham on the spit BBQ 8th Aug

Not forgetting the Tour de France passes very near on 9th July, with a time trial at Mount St Michel the following day.

BOOK EARLY.

DECEMBER ARRIVES

This year has just shot by.

Now I am never grumpy over the festive period, but here are things I hate at this time of year.

1. Having to go in the loft and bringing the xmas decorations down.

2. Putting xmas decorations up.

3. Getting the electric bill for all those xmas decorations at the end of the month.

4. Crowded supermarkets.

5. Noddy Holder.

6. Carol singers.

7. Festive TV

8. Satsumas.

9. Nuts

10. Mince Pies.

11. Over priced chocolates from Switzerland.

12. Kids.

Apart from that, I am really looking forward to xmas.