2012 XMAS PANTO

THE SNOWMAN.

BY THE SAINT POTAN PLAYERS.

"The best thing about the whole of Xmas is the television" said Bella.

"My favourite of all time is The Snowman" 

"We're walking in the air,

We're floating in the moonlit sky,

The people far below are sleeping as we fly"

sang Bella.

"I wish I could walk in the air like a Snowman."

"Don't be a numbnuts" said Grumpy Santa Arthur.
"It's a bloody cartoon. Snowmen can't fly.
Plus there has been so much rain this year that the chances of anyone seeing a Snowman are very remote.
The only thing you have floating in the air is your tail when laying a walnut whip on our owners freshly mowed lawn"

"And as for that kid who sang that song, he get's on my nerves. 
Did you know he was once a promising tenor like Pavorotti ?"

"What happened to his voice?" asked Bella the Snowman.

" One appearance on Jim'll Fix It in the early eighties and his voice changed forever. I don't know how it happened" explained Grumpy Santa.

"Anyway, because of global warming, you are more likely to be a Rain Man than a Snowman"

" I liked Rain Man. Dustin Hoffdog is a great actor"

"That doesn't sound good" moaned Bella the Snowman.
"Cheer me up please Grumpy Santa. Tell me again what Santa does on Xmas Eve"

"Very well.

On Xmas Eve Santa climbs into a giant flying sleigh pulled by Reindeer and delivers presents to all the good people in all the countries of the world.

Well, not all the countries.

He doesn't deliver to those countries with Sharia Law"

"What do those people do on Xmas Eve than?" asked Bella.

"On Xmas Eve" explained Grumpy Santa Arthur, "They cut off the tongues of all the liars, and then the hands of all the thieves"

"Yuk, that sounds dreadful" said Bella

"But on second thoughts, if they had Sharia law in the UK, then maybe lying Prime Minister Cameron would not be able to make anymore of those lying speeches, and thieving Chancellor Osbourne wouldn't be able to carry on scratching his balls whilst the countries finances go down the pan"

"Hey Grumpy Santa! What is your favourite Xmas song?"

"Oh. that's easy" said Grumpy Santa.

"Cockin' around the Xmas tree"

"You can't do that. You will make all the presents wet", said Bella the Snowman. 

"HO HO HO"

"MERRY XMAS EVERYBODY"

THE END

CAST:

Bella the Snowman - Bella
Grumpy Santa Arthur - Arthur

Producer - Marie
Lyrics - Alan

With special thanks to Bonio dog treats for whom without their multitude of snacks, none of this would have been possible.

St Potan Players CD Soundtrack now available from this website for the price of a decent bottle of rum.

The Snowman!
Tracks

 1. Barking in the Air.
2. Cockin' around the Xmas tree.
3. Santa Paws is Coming to Town
4. I saw 3 Shi*s.
5. Fairytale of Roast Pork.
6. All I wan't for Xmas is Chews.
7. When a Dog is Born.
8. Little Drumstick Boy.
9. Merry Xmas, Paw is Over.
10. Stop the Carvery.
11. Lonely Pup in a Christmas Shop.
12. I saw Mummy Licking Santa Claus.
13. Rudolph the Red Nosed Rottweiler.



PRESS REVIEWS.

"It tickled my funny bone" (Daily Telegraph)

" A real dog's dinner of a show" (The Stage)

" Take your Pal and Chum" (Daily Mirror)

" Why are these people abusing their dogs every year?" (The Kennel Club)   

"Boob job for Coronation Street Babe" (Daily Star)